A large study has confirmed that parents who are warm and non-controlling raise children who are happier and have better emotional well-being.
The study confirmed what is called “attachment theory”, a very well-researched concept that has proven that warm, responsive, attuned parenting is ideal for forming bonds with children.
The study certainly confirms good, old common sense. Yet, sadly, too many parents still believe they must be harsh and controlling, not realizing the long-lasting negative effect this has on children. Some of these negative effects even last a lifetime.
A good rule I like to use is for parents to focus less on behaviors and more on a child’s emotions. In other words, cut back on worrying if a child is behaving appropriately and observe and tune into the child’s underlying emotions. Ask yourself: “Why is my child behaving this way?” This will likely lead to a more compassionate parenting style, which is warmer and less controlling.
Here is the original article:
Poor parenting still resonating with people now in their 60s as much as the death of a loved one. Children of parents who are warmer and less controlling grow up happier, a new study finds. In contrast, parents who are overly controlling tend to bring up children with worse mental well-being. Dr Mai Stafford, one of the study’s authors, said:
“We found that people whose parents showed warmth and responsiveness had higher life satisfaction and better mental wellbeing throughout early, middle and late adulthood.”
The study tracked 5,362 people from their birth in 1946. Over sixty years later, 2,000 of them completed a series of follow-up surveys including one asking about how controlling their parents were.
- Controlling parents did not allow their children to make their own decisions and fostered too much dependence on them.
- Controlling parents also invaded their children’s privacy and didn’t allow them to have their own opinions.
- The negative effect of controlling parents was still felt by people in their 60s.
- The researchers likened the damaging effect to the death of a loved one.
The other problematic factor — lack of parental warmth — makes it difficult to have a strong bond with parents. A strong emotional attachment to parents provides a better base from which children can explore the world.
The study was published in The Journal of Positive Psychology (Stafford et al., 2015).