This video by Matthew Cooke draws the same comparisons I’ve drawn between family systems of narcissistic abuse and societal levels of authoritarianism such as the Trump/Vance/MAGA regime.
My understanding of narcissism and narcissistic family systems was why I — can it really be ten years ago?! — decided I must speak up about the very unhealthy power dynamic I knew would occur under a Trump presidency. Despite risks to my personal safety and career, I wrote blogs and a chapter in “The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Professionals Assess and President.”
What is a Narcissistic Family System?
Narcissistic family systems rely on deference to the abuser, whitewashing of immoral behaviors, and a distortion or avoidance of the clear reality of the situation and the abusers behaviors. Truthtellers are scapegoated, blamed and often kicked out of the family system — just as Trump is using the Department of Justice to prosecute and arrest James Comey, journalists like Don Lemon, entire media organizations, and social justice organizations like the Southern Poverty Law Center.
Clearly, as Cooke lists, the many acts of deference and compliance by MAGA politicians, universities, law firms, judges, and business exemplifies the fact that they are afraid to speak up to Trump. And, yes, these are the same dynamics that occurred in Nazi Germany and many other countries and societies that fell victim to a sociopathic ruler.
It is important to recognize that in these systems neutrality is equivalent to enabling of the narcissist. This is why, as a therapist, I am not a “blank slate” and I refuse to be non-committal in my work with a victim of narcissistic abuse. By being neutral in my opinions and not labeling and challenging the narcissistic behavior, I would only be supporting the narcissist and perpetuating the abuse into the therapy room. Victims don’t need more distortion of reality. They need a corroboration of reality and to learn to trust their clear sense of truth and facts.
Narcissistic spouses often present in couples or family therapy with what I call a “firehose” of verbal output — just as Trump, right-wing media, and the MAGA party who flood the zone with chaos, lies, and reality distortions that become impossible to combat because they come so fast.
Ultimately, morality matters. But it is difficult for many people to be mindful and “zoom out” as Matthew Cooke says, because they are psychologically unskilled and uninformed. Their laziness in thought makes them willing to blindly follow anyone who sounds or looks like a powerful person. Most people are followers, unwilling to stand up to immoral behavior even when it is obvious (Epstein files! Blatant corruption! Felony convictions! Daily violent rhetoric!).
Please, for the sake of your fellow citizens who are also trapped in this dysfunctional narcissistic abusive “family system” that the USA has become — THINK, consider your lack of action as support for abuse, and vote based on reality and facts, not your emotional need to be a follower.
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