This meme summarizes some of what I wrote about in The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump in early 2017. That book when on to become a #1 bestseller because at that time so many people were trying to make sense of this deeply troubled person who had surprisingly (with Russian help) been elected president.
Now in 2026 we are one year into Trump 2.0 and the things we wrote about have come true at shockingly severe levels. Those of us outside the MAGA cult see all too clearly the destruction caused by a demented, sociopathic personality on a once-great country.
Just yesterday Trump sent a diplomatic message to the leaders of Norway and Finland stating that he is attempting to take over Greenland specifically because he did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. Trump’s wounded, narcissistic child is fully in view here as he admits without any sense of shame that he is vindictively destroying NATO, long-standing European alliances and economically essential trade agreements all in a petulant tantrum about a symbolic award. He is essentially behaving in a completely self-centered manner with no thought to how his words and actions are impacting others — classic sociopathy and narcissism. Of course, this also stems from his racism and inability to tolerate the fact that President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.
In my chapter in the book I compared Trump to an abusive partner, noting that he is very shame sensitivity or intolerant. As I’ve written about extensively in this blog, I label this behavior as an Other-blamer, because when these people experience shame, criticism or possible failure, they cannot be held accountable. They must shift the blame to someone or something else, creating dysfunction all around them. Trump has to blame the Nobel prize committee and Norway for his not getting the prize, rather than look inward and realize his behaviors alone are there reason for his failure. He is willing to potentially create World War III just because he can’t admit fault.
When I work with people in therapy who have a toxic, abusive person in their lives, they report ripples of destruction. Having been in an abusive relationship, I know they steal years from people who try to figure out how to live with the destructive person or how to escape with minimal damage. Abusers, when they sense the relationship is almost over, will even go to great extremes to harm their partners. They smear the victim and badmouth them to their friends and family, destroying those relationships. They shut down back accounts and close credit cards to harm the victim financially. Physical violence escalates, even to murder. The Other-blamer is in a panic to avoid experiencing the consequences of their abusive behaviors and will burn down the house to rule over the ashes, to quote a Chinese proverb. I believe we are witnessing Trump burning down our country, with absolutely no regard for the harms he is causing, merely to protect his non-existent self-esteem.
Ten years into Trump, many of us who have been very politically active in fighting his regimes carry great sadness and resentment that years of our lives have been stolen in what are frantic attempts to limit the worst impulses of the MAGA movement. All that energy could have been used to further bend the arc of justice rather than merely keep it from being completely taken apart by the Republican Party.
Here is an excerpt from my chapter that I think confirms why you NEVER hand power to a malignant narcissist or Other-blamer. They will abuse that power, abuse others, and destroy relationships or even countries to protect their fragile egos.
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From the conclusion to “In Relationship with an Abusive President”
Driven to Distraction: Trump’s Effect on Our Psychological Health
A fundamental problem with a Trump presidency is not merely that his poorly thought-out policies may harm us. It is that his character defects will normalize immoral Other-blaming behaviors and encourage their full expression among those who may have previously been held in check by expectations of socially acceptable behavior. Just as the trauma of witnessing domestic violence damages children, an emotionally immature president can affect the future of our nation regarding moral behavior, cultural stability, and psychological wellness.
Other-blamers can be restrained only by prompt, calm boundary setting and enforcement of moral and social norms. Without these influences, Other-blamers grow in boldness and their presumption of power. Other-blamers will take as much ground as they can get.
We must resist, not only to contain Trump’s behaviors, but also to signal to his followers that abusive behavior is not appropriate. Unfortunately, now that millions of Other-blamers have been encouraged by Trump to misbehave, it may be impossible to get that genie back in the bottle.
In therapy, it is common to see families where a narcissist or sociopath has not been held in check — sometimes multiple generations of them — and the resulting dysfunction creates ripples of psychological trauma, including insecure attachment patterns in children, addictions, estrangement, and conflict.
Because the Other-blamer refuses to compromise or engage in fair play, it becomes “every man for himself.” Family members resent having to always give so the Other-blamer can take. They resent the Other-blamer lying and refusing to agree on facts. They resent always being blamed, while the Other-blamer can never admit fault.
Abuse victims often experience frustration because when they try to get through to the abuser, the rules of fair play do not apply. As a country, we are attempting to apply democratic rule of law to Trump. If Trump refuses to play by the rules, and the courts and Congress do not hold him accountable, we citizens have little recourse, causing us to have the sense of helpless desperation of an abused spouse.
Compromise and reciprocity are key parts of politics and healthy relationships. Other-blamers are inclined to adopt an attitude of “my way or the highway,” as Trump did with his ham-handed rushing through a replacement for the Affordable Care Act without debate. If Trump has to be right and win at all costs, and if he views discussion and compromise as losing, this offers little hope for the future of the country’s relationship with him.
It is common for a jealous spouse to angrily text his wife thirty times a day, call repeatedly, and argue for hours. The effort it takes to manage the abuser causes the partner to have less time and energy for parenting, career, or self-care. In narcissistic relationships, one has little left over after the arguments. Abused partners tend to over-focus on the relationship, rather than address their own self-improvement, until the relationship is ended.
In the same way, since the election much of the world has been in a panic, over-focused on Trump and unable to deal with much else but his foibles and follies. The world is scrambling to respond to chaos, leaving little energy to address legitimate issues. When the Japanese Prime Minister visited, the discussion about Trump’s bizarrely aggressive handshaking style overtook talk of trade deals or North Korea. Antarctic ice shelf breaking off? Wars, refugees, EU in turmoil? These issues receive inadequate attention because the world is trying to make sense of the attention-seeking distraction in the White House. This is potentially tragic for those people and issues ignored as a result of the dysfunctional relationship we have with this president.
I am experiencing this personally, as I spend much more time reading news articles, organizing rallies, writing letters, and making phone calls. This is time and energy I could be spending championing worthy causes. In fact, here I am writing about Trump’s mental health when, with a different person in office, I could be working to improve the mental health care system.
This narcissistic president is doing what all narcissists do: sucking the air out of the room. When in relationship with an Other-blamer, one must spend one’s time and energy arguing about the arguing, rather than living peacefully and productively. Trump will continue to have a toxic effect at the individual and global level, not just through his harmful, ill-considered policy decisions, but through increased anxiety and the diversion of attention from other issues.
A true leader or a caring spouse manages his or her behaviors and emotions in a mature, temperate way. The country will have less ability to focus on solutions to complex problems until we get rid of the Other-blamer in chief that we are in relationship with. The coarsening of society and loss of civility and empathy will likely be irreparable in the near term. We can only hope that we break up with this abusive president before he breaks up the country.
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It appears you are the one who suffers from shamelessness. You should be arrested for your hateful rhetoric against our President. Shame on you.
A little background: I was raised by two, malignant narcissists, one covert (My mother) and the other overt (My father) Two separate psychiatrists diagnosed my parents individually.
When this abuser decided to run for president, I was worried. I said out loud that people will not understand what having a malignant narcissist in power can and will do. Most people, males actually, said I had ‘daddy issues’, when in fact, I have Malignant Narcissist issues. Many of us victims of narcissistic abuse, are the literal canaries in the coal mines. We’ve all experienced the darkness and abuse of malignant narcissists.
I know and have seen the depth of depravity that these abusers will stoop to, to avoid responsibility, and to avoid the consequences of their behaviours. These types of monsters enjoy hurting others and think nothing of doing so. These people are pathological liars, cheats, the greatest actors of all. Make them angry and you, I will be paying for it for a long time. There is no winning, no equal, no discussion, not even agreeing to get along, because it is all about them, all the time. There is no justice, no accountability, no making the abuse, stop. Sadly, those of us on the wrong end of the stick, who have lived with such abusers, have no choice, other than to go no contact and to physically leave. This is something that survivors, know deeply.
As American’s, where can we go? We all can’t just move to the next town, city, or state, or country.
Flying monkeys? I am not shocked to see how they are scared and will avoid punishment and ultimately side with the abuser, often throwing innocent people under the bus. Malignant narcissists and flying monkeys are the same in this respect, they avoid accountability and will damn anyone who challenges or attempts to hold them accountable. The people that love and follow him are just like him, narcissistic wanna- be’s. The one’s who know better, but keep their mouths shut, are merely trauma bonded people who will allow the abuse to continue. Cotempt in the making.
What do sane people do? Again. where do we go? Thank you for writing this. No one is talking about this topic. We are all living under the reign of a delusional monster that does not care for anyone but himself. We will all be doomed.